Gaslighting and its impact on mental health

Experts say that the increased use of the term “gaslighting” has helped spread awareness around the concept of psychological abuse. But at the same time, you may wonder what truly “counts” as gaslighting behavior, since the term is used so often.  At its core, gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that uses isolation and an imbalance of power. Over time, if it continues, it can become a form of abuse that can take a damaging toll on a person’s mental health. 

So how can you protect yourself from gaslighting? By exploring the signs and how they show up in relationships, you can learn to spot unhealthy dynamics, set boundaries, and maintain your sense of personal power.

What is gaslighting?

Today, we understand gaslighting as a manipulation tactic that often causes people to question their sense of reality and mental stability. The concept comes from a 1944 film called “Gaslight.” In the movie, a husband secretly dims and brightens the lights in the home while convincing his wife that she’s imagining it. This causes her to question whether she can trust her own perceptions. And it creates a destabilizing effect that gives her husband even greater control over her. 

As the movie shows, gaslighting occurs when a person causes you to question an experience you otherwise know to be true. It’s more likely to occur in isolation because it’s easier for an abuser to manipulate someone if there’s no one nearby to question them or validate the other person’s reality. This makes gaslighting common in domestic abuse situations or other scenarios where people become isolated from their support systems.

So why would a person engage in this harmful behavior? Gaslighting isn’t always a conscious choice or a planned action. But whether it’s intentional or not, it represents a desire to dominate and control someone for personal gain. 

Eight common signs of gaslighting

Sometimes, gaslighting can be difficult to detect because there’s often no physical evidence of the behavior. But by familiarizing yourself with some common signs, you’ll know when to ask for help. 

You may be experiencing gaslighting if:

1. It seems like no matter what you do, the person always says you’re the source of the problem or conflict.
2. It feels like you can’t do anything right.
3. The other person is quick to brush your concerns aside, and you never feel validated or heard.
4. Your perception of things is always questioned, and the person labels your interpretation of events as “crazy” or out of touch with reality. 
5. You’ve begun to question your ability to understand what happens in your environment or your ability to recall information.
6. You’re always second-guessing yourself.
7. The person often interrupts you when you speak, keeping you from sharing your thoughts or needs.
8. You don’t have someone to talk to about your experience or you worry that no one will believe you if you reach out for support.

What are the effects of gaslighting?

Gaslighting can occur in all sorts of environments. It can impact romantic relationships and workplace dynamics. Being exposed to gaslighting once or even a handful of times can be an unsettling experience. But if it continues for longer periods of time, it can negatively impact your well-being in many ways.

Gaslighting can lead to:

• An eroded sense of self
• A loss of ability to connect with others
• Diminished self-esteem
• Increased risk of anxiety and/or depression
• Psychological trauma
• Mistrust of yourself and others

Most effective options to recover from being gaslit

If you think you’ve been gaslit, remember that it’s not your fault. It can happen to anyone, and you deserve support. If you’re feeling confused, anxious, or isolated, know that there are some steps you can take to regain your sense of self.

Gather proof

Gaslighting can make you question your reality. So write down what you witnessed or experienced in a journal or in your phone. Be sure to include important details like dates, times, and other specifics. Keep these records safe and secure.

Talk to someone

It might seem scary at first, but talking to someone about your experience can help you feel less isolated and alone. This might be a trusted friend, family member, coworker, or anyone who can validate and affirm your experience.

Create a safety plan

If gaslighting or other forms of abuse are present in your relationship, take steps to keep yourself safe. Include practical concerns like your relocation options. Also include emotional concerns like how to manage conflicting feelings.

Engage in self-care

Gaslighting can tear down your self-esteem, so it’s important to practice self-compassion as you recover. Make time for whatever activities help you feel strong, confident, and independent. 

Talk to a therapist

Sometimes, gaslighting can lead to ongoing mental health concerns, like anxiety and depression. A therapist can help you heal from psychological trauma, learn healthy coping skills, set boundaries, and reconnect with the truth of your lived experience.

Find care with Rula

If you’ve experienced gaslighting, know that you’re not alone. It’s a common form of manipulation that can affect anyone, and it’s OK to ask for help. When you need support for your mental health,  Rula provides streamlined access to the care you deserve. With our therapist-matching program, we can quickly help you find an in-network provider so that you can begin receiving services as early as this week. Plus, our teletherapy platform makes it easy to schedule appointments and attend therapy from the comfort of home. Whether you need individual, couples, or family therapy, Rula will always be there to help you find the right fit. 

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